Explanations Aside
by Enelya Cuthlion
Summary: They kissed, and even though every damn second felt completely, utterly, earthshakingly, groundbreakingly right, Remus still wants to know what it means. SiriusRemus Slash. Oneshot.


**_Author's Note:_** This is just a one-shot for all those reading Unspeakable Desire. I've been trying to write the next chapter but thoughts of Sirius/Remus keep coming into my head so I needed to get it out of my system. Hope you enjoy it.

Cheers,

EC

_**Explanations Aside**_

"Sirius? Sirius!" Remus' voice pierced the dark silence. Sirius snorted and stirred slightly at the incessant prodding his left arm was enduring. He attempted to push the problematic finger away and resume his sleep, but the finger was unrelenting.

"Sirius!" Remus hissed again and pinched Sirius' bicep. Sirius felt himself being drawn back into consciousness as the nails bit keenly into his flesh.

"Moony?" Sirius groaned, opening his eyes bleakly. Remus was standing over him, his amber eyes wide with worry. He turned his head to look over at the clock on his bedside table and saw the numbers four-zero-two blearing back at him hazily. Straightening up and shifting his legs slightly, Sirius motioned for Remus to take a seat at the foot of his bed.

Remus accepted anxiously, folding his legs beneath him and looking expectantly at its offerer. Sirius gave his friend a once over and sighed.

"Remus, it's four o'clock." He said, letting his head fall back upon the pillow behind him and his eyes drift close. Sirius waited. No response. Lazily, he yawned and opened one eye to view the boy at the end of his bed. Remus was nervous. He was never good at hiding his emotions. His eyes were fixed on the other boy and Sirius was convinced that if he didn't stop wringing his hands he would surely dislodge a finger. "What's wrong?"

"I --" Remus started, but stopped abruptly. Sirius sat up, opened his eyes and waited. Whatever his friend needed to say it was not to be rushed. Calmly, he folded his hands and observed the young werewolf.

"I-- I have to ask you something." Remus blurted out. Despite his intelligence and usually placid decorum, eloquence was something that Remus Lupin had never been able to master. For all his previous misgivings of the necessary nature of this late night visit, Sirius merely raised a quizzical eyebrow to Remus. A simple indication of his willingness to hear what his friend had to say.

It took him a few minutes, but eventually Remus was able to communicate the essentials of the question that had plagued him for the past two day and sleepless nights. "What are we?" His question was not cluttered by flowery words or complicated phrases. A simple question deserving of a simple answer.

Sirius knew better than to play dumb. He also knew that his answer would ultimately decide the path on which their friendship was to travel. It had been exactly thirty-four hours, twenty-six minutes, and roughly 10 seconds since this question should have been asked. It had been thirty-five hours since Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup, and it had been forty minutes of celebratory drinking later that Sirius had drunkenly dragged Remus onto a table in the middle of the Gryffindor Common Room and kissed him in front of the entire house.

Despite the excessive amounts of Firewhiskey Sirius had downed that night, he could still remember that exact moment. Some say that when you find love the world stands still. He wasn't sure if that was true. What he did know was that when Sirius Black kisses Remus Lupin an entire room full of people stop and stare. He also knew, that when Sirius Black imposes said kiss on Remus Lupin that Remus Lupin does not back down.

Sirius wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the passion that added fire to the kiss, but it had certainly been an experience. Remus' hot breath against his lips, the heat of his mouth, the warmth of Remus' hands splayd across his stomach. It was a frenzy of heat and fervour poured into one moment. That one, perfect, drunken moment.

"Sirius?" Remus' voice brought him back to reality for the second time that night. "What are we?" He repeated, refusing to look at Sirius lest his eyes betray something his heart could not.

Sirius was wide awake now. His thoughts of their kisshad stirred him into wakefulness. The desire, the passion, the need, all was coming back to him. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. His eyes were sharp and his senses keen. Yet, unlike Remus, his exterior was calm, and his air was relaxed. He mustn't rush this. For although Remus had not pushed him away after their little scene, he had quickly located the nearest exit and depart from his company.

"What do you want us to be?" He asked, casually rumpling his already messy bed-hair. A habit he'd picked up from James, yet did not employ as often as his friend.

Remus turned back and levelled his eyes at Sirius. This staring competition continued for a few seconds before Sirius felt the uncomfortable twang of hurt reach out from Remus' stare to his own, and looked away.

He felt Remus' involuntary shudder through the mattress and heard him gasp strangled intake of breath. Briefly glancing up, Sirius saw the other boy hastily wipe a stray tear from his face. He could see what the darkness should hide, yet the moonlight revealed. Tears glistened in his friend's eyes, threatening to break forth in waves of salty hurt. Remus was crying. Sirius quickly averted his eyes to give his friend time to recuperate. It was the code of mateship; one does not watch a comrade cry. All men must keep their dignity.

"Why did you do it then?" Remus' husky voice rang accusingly through his ears, attempting, yet failing, to hide its owner's pain. "Why would you do something… like that if you didn't know? And don't," snapped Remus as Sirius attempted to interrupt, "attempt to use drink as your excuse. I know you better than that, Sirius."

Sirius opened and closed his mouth many times over. For, as quickly as answers came they were lost once again to the jungle of his mind. It was true he was going to use his typical "drunken escapade" excuse, but Remus was too good for that. Only one thing remained constant in his mind. It niggled at the corner of his thoughts.

"Why did you kiss me back?" he asked, trying to regain his cool, confident air.

"Oh Sirius, don't try to complicate the issues," Remus replied exhaustedly.

"I'm not--!" Sirius jumped to his defence with a loud proclamation of his own innocence. James stirred in the next bed at the sudden outburst, muttered something about monkeys, and rolled over grumbling.

"I'm not," Sirius repeated in a hushed tone. "You're asking why I did it, I want to know why you went along with it?"

"That's not an answer. You are trying to complicate things. If you don't want to have this conversation we can just continue in our awkward ways. Side stepping each other, avoidance whenever possible… I just --"

"Because it felt right!" Sirius said exasperatedly, throwing his hands to the heavens. "Because, Merlin forgive me, it felt right. Every damn second felt completely, utterly, earthshakingly, groundbreakingly right."

Remus blinked and sat back. Whatever he'd been expecting from Sirius, it certainly wasn't this. Perhaps a confused boy of sixteen years. Maybe a complete denial, or admittance with excuse. This, however, was completely, utterly, earthshakingly, groundbreakingly unexpected. Yet, there was truth in his eyes andan exasperated tone that could not be forged.

Sirius folded his arms across his chest awaiting a reply. He hoped the ploy to hide his shaking hands had not drawn too much attention from the werewolf who was eying him closely. Remus did not say anything. He stayed perfectly still with the exception of his eyes,which were flying over Sirius' body trying to find some falsehood in his words.

"Look, I --" Sirius started, yet was quickly silenced by Remus' lips. Sirius' initial shock was overridden by his craving for the boy pressed against him. His thoughts fled, and he opened his mouth slightly to taste to full experience that was Remus Lupin. However suddenly the kiss had started, and Remus was tentative and shy with his actions, careful to not overstep whatever boundaries he had set himself. When Sirius' tongue finally entered his mouth he groaned with longing and ferocity that Sirius had never known from Remus. He bit down on Sirius' lip and Sirius heard a similar sound issue from his own lips. To taste Remus' breath was invigorating. The minty scent was no longer mixed with the bite of alcohol that had overshadowed their last encounter.

Sirius arched his body up to reach Remus's, encouraging the werewolf to slip his hands under the pale blue shirt that was already lifting, threatening to uncover the infamous Black physique. As Remus' hands made their way confidently up Sirius' torso, Sirius felt Remus shiver under the cool presence of his own palms that were currently sliding their way down his back. Removing his hands from the object of his desire, Sirius gently pulled the blanket out from under them, careful not to break the touch of their lips lest better judgement come into play. Covering them both with the heavy comforter he continued his exploration of his friend's body. The slight curves of his frame, the soft line of auburn hair that ran down his chest and through his navel; the ever present scars that ensconced themselves over the young man's body, pulling taut when muscles moved.

Hours later, when the first light could be seen through the gothic windows of the tower, Sirius enfolded Remus in his arms. Lowering his mouth inches above Remus' ear, Sirius whispered softly. "This is what we are, Moony. This is what we always were, and what we always will be."


End file.
